Original Articles

Though why stop at three when you can have all the salts?

You can pickle that!

Three cheers for colonialism, colonics, colonies!

This originated as a cross comparison between the regime reinforcement tactics of Kim Jong-Il and Martha Stewart Living™, but I revised it for fear of being charged with blasphemy and abducted by the latter.

After all is said and done, though, a girl can still love her Popeye’s, right?

In addition to being my culinary modus operandi, “doughy and juicy” was my nickname in prison.

I was once in a Mexican sandwich and let me tell you, I got my huaraches knocked off alright.

The most gratifying/mortifying part of researching this story was getting called out by Ana Sortun for the inferior product I had on my hands.

I’ve got to admire the determination of the commenter who thinks that salsa is a mother sauce. It takes cojones to try and rewrite Escoffier.

In hindsight, I should have used this as an excuse to get Serious Eats to buy me a steak dinner for the sake of, you know, research.

Sherry vinegar: your one true acid trip.

If there are any willing investors out there, I totally dream of opening a T.I.H.O.P. (Truly International House of Pancakes) restaurant. Might need to rethink the name, though.

Let’s find out! *chomps on raw, green potato with gangly things sticking out of it*

Today, I’m gonna get all Martha Stewart on y’all.

Read this article, it’s a gouda time. *ba dum tssss*

How hot is hot sauce right now? SO HOT.

Chili oil: hotter than hot sauce, still not quite as hot as snorting Doritos off the belly of a fire-breathing lizard.

Never mind the clickbait title, you will like these vegetables. You must like these vegetables! Eat your vegetables, dammit.

My inner child loves to pack in the sprinkles, candy bits, and cookie crumbles. My inner adult heads for the bar and pours on the rum, whiskey, and tequila.

As Bubba from Forrest Gump would say, “Shrimp is the fruit of the sea.”

I once made the mistake of bringing home a stewing fowl when I needed a cornish hen. NEVER AGAIN.

My fermented food fetish takes listicle form.

I really do love guacamole that much. No hyperbole.

Bring on the ferment, bring on the funk.